Was the future yesterday?

category: general [glöplog]
..that sick feeling. Something empty. Pouet was my last resource..

I couldn't remember why would I like to write my last thoughts here in the older times, after a feeling of emptiness, while the response was predictable. I lately thought that it was crazy!

But I suddenly remembered. And that feeling was cold. I slightly felt today that emptiness (or perhaps now it's also the anxiety for my struggle to start a diferrent life, while I don't feel ready for that during most of the days), is pushing me to open this thread and start the old shit again! :P

It wouldn't make a sense. But since it comes again, what do I have to loose? Let it be an experiment of what does happen to myself from your responses, when I do the same mistake for another time..

Silly humilation after nothingness? No reason..

Aspects of life that don't work anymore::

* thescene: Reminds me of my past, some good/bad moments. Remembering back, browsing Pouet again, nicks bringing me the same old feelings I had for each person. Photos of people I met at parties (better memories). Female geeks pages deleted. Staying at what I kept doing since years feels like stagnation for me. But when I forget it for few days, it feels like new,.. only for a while. Then I am lost and then I come back again..

* reallife: I don't know. I will almost finish the university in one year. I might go to the army. I don't seem like caring at all for these. All the past, I had my mind in other things (but mostly the scene and the unforgotten dreams), my studies was just a big useless block. I guess I will finish that now and find a job. Then I will be alone in my own home. Perhaps I will be able to relax a bit away from my family. But it doesn't come now yet. I don't know why..

* Thegirl? Mmm.. I don't like her. It was just my struggle to get myself able to talk with girls alone in real life. She was on a party and said why not? But I was just anxious because I was a freakin dude in social matters and I wanted to correct this. But now I past the first step and I am not sure how motivated am I for the second. Physically, the social struggle to talk to a girl, show my interest, do the appropriate moves to make a relationship and live together, is much much bigger than my motivation for her. Some say that I should get laid and I tried to make a start because of their fear thought, but I have no motivation that can physically push me to that! If I tried to listen only to myself, perhaps I wouldn't move my ass even at the slightest I have done now. Like it's not for me. I don't know.. ;(

* Theshrink??? ..... she .... is ... still .. alive.

I know that from all the 4, THEGIRL would be something new for mylife, and that would be perhaps a cure for my emptiness. But my motives still feels empty. It's not that I am afraid (but I am and it's still hard), but mostly that I do it under the stupid pressure of "You are 25 and still a virgin?" and not because I am hot for that. And if I say "Ok, then. If I don't have motivation then stop trying that!" then I know that I will be 30 or 40 and still a virgin, so the "get laid" social terrorism will still hit on my brain. I said that I would do onetime without wanting it, so that I say "Fuck you! I got laid for once, so I did it once and I won't make it for the second time. Now I can stay semivirgin for the rest of my life except if I really love a girl (if this ever occures). Now, getalifes won't mess with my mind.."

Just constructions inside our minds. What is the real world inside this fake one then?

Let's remember the past and hear some Anathema now. Was the future yesterday? And where is the past???

Show me the yesterday now!

p.s. Castaneda doesn't work. Braudillard won't work (but I will by some book soon). Any attempt to find a true philosophy will lead to nothingness..
added on the 2004-10-05 21:52:10 by Optimonk Optimonk
i thought you said you were going to leave pouet?
added on the 2004-10-05 21:57:28 by gloom gloom
I left it and then came back. Simple as that..
added on the 2004-10-05 22:02:38 by Optimonk Optimonk
So, I DID Left it!!!
added on the 2004-10-05 22:02:58 by Optimonk Optimonk
What do you have to discuss about the girl matter btw?

p.s. I think I need my Ouzo now.. ;/
added on the 2004-10-05 22:03:31 by Optimonk Optimonk
Achhh not this bollocks again. ha ha
Just take it easy, watch porn, and code when you feel like it.

Feel happy about being who you are, think about where that could take you and what you can do, and stop and think "Damn I'm lucky". I do that at least once a day, and it rules :)
why am I being serious about an Optimus rant? :P
oops he did it again...
added on the 2004-10-05 22:39:41 by makc makc
ps: you will understand philosophy, poetry and music when you'll be 'old' enough.
added on the 2004-10-05 22:44:05 by makc makc
added on the 2004-10-05 22:50:55 by superplek superplek
to grasp the things castaneda tell you about don juan and his teachings you need peyote not ouzo iirc
added on the 2004-10-05 23:02:34 by violator violator
And Castaneda isn't that credible anyway. His books are an interesting read but the ravings of a druggie as a life philosophy.. no thanks. If you're interested in Indians, you could always read a real book instead.
added on the 2004-10-05 23:05:10 by Preacher Preacher
Be happy for what you have. At least you are healthy and have food.

unlike many other billions..
added on the 2004-10-05 23:05:39 by Navis Navis
ps. if you don't want the girl, can we have it ? (all of pouet that is hehe).
added on the 2004-10-05 23:06:51 by Navis Navis
good lord Optimus, you twat *slaps Optimus in the face* snap out of it man.. pouet aint disneyland!
Optimus: if girls aren't doing it for you, have you thought about trying men? i'm sure it's worth a try, i mean you sound kinda desperate.

if that's not what you're looking for then perhaps you need to get very very stoned. i think a guy like you could benefit from it. might help get things in perspective for you.
added on the 2004-10-05 23:17:01 by Bagpuss Bagpuss
8 Wochen war der Mich'l krank, jetzt schreibt er wieder - Gott sei dank!
preacher: agreed. newage hipppie crap.
added on the 2004-10-05 23:58:40 by violator violator
bluh.. i thought this thread would be about 'teh futare' demo :(
added on the 2004-10-06 00:35:13 by the_Ye-Ti the_Ye-Ti
added on the 2004-10-06 00:40:11 by Shifter Shifter
Optimus: "Any attempt to find a true philosophy will lead to nothingness."

You have progressed:)

There is no ultimate meaning. Any attempt to find a true philosophy will lead to nothingness because that's exactly where it all leads. That goes to say, if you indeed find a true philosophy, it leads there all the same.

There is no great purpose other than the ones that we subjectively create. Life can be meaningful, but there is no universal meaning of life. Unless, of course, you want to talk strictly about biology, "meaning" in the sense of "surviving" - but that is still a "meaning" only relevant in the system at hand. There is no meaning or purpose that transcends a given system if you zoom out far enough.

Don't be mistaken, though: as I implied, you can make your life meaningful through many methods. It can be through various sorts of self-deception - or by realizing the ultimate meaninglessness and still knowing that, on a subjective level, you are able to experience things as deeply meaningful. I prefer the latter.

You can contemplate the system you live in, and when doing so, consider the best possible ethics to live by. A good rule of thumb is - supposing people around you experience certain things more or less like you'd expect them to - not to inflict unnecessary suffering on anyone. Even if it doesn't mean anything, believe me, it means a lot when you again zoom in on the subjective level. It makes the ride nicer for everyone :P

As you can see, the "social terrorism" you referred to is also pointless. I'd stop worrying about that. The irony of this is, why derive so much discontent out of something you _know_ to be insignificant? Laugh at the irony of it instead. Laugh at the whole irony of life.

After you have come to grips with the nothingness and ultimate futility, you are free to construct your very own purpose. The subjective one. That's all anyone really gets, anyway.

Don't gather pressure out of trying to become something that someone else wants you to be. Keeping the ethics in mind, pursue the meaning you yourself feel content with. If you don't, it's no big deal; you're just another human without meaning. If you do - hey, great. Have a good ride :)
added on the 2004-10-06 01:25:12 by guenon guenon
Normally I don't read that Optimus-thread because of their length, but this time I had a short look and found the bad word:
But since it comes again, what do I have to loose?
It confused me for a long time, now I know that to loose != to lose, I know you mean the later.

In case I haven't said it before: I want to see, what the CPC can do. Make a demo and bring it to a party. And please give us an AVI/MPEG of the real machines output. ;)
Lies die BIBEL und gut !
added on the 2004-10-06 01:46:03 by 0x$$ 0x$$
Ah yes, it's nice to know everything is back to normal.