RIP Paulo "Breakneck" Cadavez

category: general [glöplog]
added on the 2013-03-22 19:39:11 by Jae686 Jae686
RIP, i did not know him but if he bringed people i liked to the scene i like him :(
don't know what to think of all this.

we hadn't been much in touch very much these past few years, only seeing each other on the occasional inércia, so we weren't that close anymore. but it still saddens me greatly to hear of him being gone.

i first met him as a neigbour playing soccer or riding our bicycles in the street, we also played basketball together for a few years, but we mostly became pals because of the computer stuff. when i got a spectrum we swapped games and such. i still remember us two sitting down on my bedroom copying the speccy version of sim city when i first got myself a double decker tape recorder. or going to his place to turn the recorded vhs of mtv/viva into mixtapes for the walkman.

we ended up being schoolmates for most of highschool. i was amazed at all that his mac could do when i went over to his place and play. when i got my first pc he was the one who told me what to buy, he was the one who taught me how to edit the config files, he was the one who i mostly swapped with, the one who passed me my first demos and diskmags, getting me hooked on wanting to know how to contribute to the demoscene.

he already knew how to program while i didnt. he had a modem to download stuff from bbs's and i didnt even know what a bbs was! he had piles of spanish pc mania magazines which i was always so envious of and always wanted to read when going to his place.

he was the guy i called when i got a computer virus, the guy who told me that to install new RAM there was no need to be afraid to open the case: just make sure it's turned off, remove the old ram, install the new one, turn it back on and pray you can figure out what the hell the BIOS is telling you. there was no internet to help me back then, only this neighbour with some knowledge of computers and a modem.

he was my target to overthrow, the guy i needed to surpass with programming, scene dedication, diskmag contribution, everything. it was hearing about his trips to assembly 97 that made me decide to travel to my first demoparty and start my own demogroup. it was reading about his contributions to infinity diskmag that made me start demojournal. it was hearing about his talks with mellow-d about the what scene.org could become that made me join the staff and help out.

we often did school projects together. he was great english speaker and writer.

when i was coding starfields and sprites on pascal he was already doing 3d on c++. and when i was doing 3d he was already thinking more of code architecture and the concept and demo design. and that's what motivated me to open my "artistic" side, getting into music composing to figure out how to do things different. he showed me the classics from future crew, orange, wild light and pulse. swapped me trackers and tools, diskmags and tutorials. i would not be who i am today if he wasn't my friend back then. i would have remained the computer lamer. i would be some other Filipe, probably writing plans for construction sites.

we never collaborated on any production, in the initial years he thought i was a lamer and didn't want to waste his time teaching me, so i made a stand to prove him wrong on my own. but in the end he still helped me grow, by inspiring me to try harder.

he wasn't a very social person, always secluding himself from getting too close, or deciding not to show up on the last minute of an appointment. but now and again we still used to do demonights, just getting together to talk and watch demos and get wasted. that eventually transformed into the boozetuga meeting series even if he stopped attending them.

watching the preview of barn a few months before it was released i was flabbergasted by it's originality, told him i loved it and he wouldn't believe me that it was really that good! ok, i was on drugs when i first watched it, i can understand his doubts on my words of praise then, but it really was that good! and i still think it is. to this day it's the flagmark release of inérciaDemoparty (2005 was the best one i guess), a shame it didn't get released at Assembly 95 like he wanted to, the guys at Warner didn't give him permission to use the soundtrack, i told him at inércia we wouldn't give a flying fuck on copyright bullshit and that's what convinced him to deliver it to inércia instead. even when the demo was 99% thumbups on pouet he was afraid to come to the website and read the comments, fearing they would hurt him. he was devastated when i told him the demo failed to win the scene.org award because literally one of the jury members forgot to vote (and his vote was favorable and would overturn the result), i was head of jury and mediator of scene.org awards that year, that's how i know the story.

i'm sad he's gone and ashamed that i don't have as much time for friends like i used to.

we get so caught up in making something productive out of our life that old friendships just get stowed away. i don't even know what to feel right now. just sad that i can't be at the funeral to give my condolences to his family personally.

all those years when i was going through the ropes dealing with depression myself, i never thought i would outlive him. he always seemed to have his life under control and a long term master plan at work. it's sad to realize we're all just human after all. sad to see him leave us.
added on the 2013-03-23 04:08:39 by psenough psenough
RIP :(
added on the 2013-03-23 07:56:05 by Intrinsic Intrinsic
added on the 2013-03-23 12:08:09 by wullon wullon
added on the 2013-03-23 13:19:11 by Defiance Defiance
It's hard to express how shocking and deeply saddening it is to find out about this so suddenly. It was only last week when we chatted about meeting IRL again this summer..

Like him, I'm not a very social person, but he was one of the few people that I always felt comfortable talking with and showing the stuff I'm working on. Becoming friends and forming a demogroup together 15 years ago was important for me and may even have saved my life.

I wish I could've saved his.
added on the 2013-03-23 15:11:28 by firehawk firehawk
I am sorry to hear about this tragedy. This is very sad.

I scarcely knew him. I saw him once at Euskal and also at Breakpoint.
He was always among the other portuguese guys. Surely helping them to finish the prod in time.

His friends must feel devastated now. I send my deepest condolences to them and to his family.
Breakneck was undoubtedly a good fellow an a talented demoscener.

Indeed his death is a great loss to us all. How many cool demos and how many good moments that never will come?

May his memory and legacy be preserved.
added on the 2013-03-23 15:22:29 by ham ham
A group of sceners will attend his funeral tomorrow. I will drive 9 hours, which I don't mind at all. it's just that I used to do that with these people to go to demoparties, not to say our last goodbye to one of us.

I wrote on the facebook group page. but I'll do it also here. I will leave Lisbon at 6h30, and there is one seat available for whoever reads this on time and wants to come.

Just like ps said, there would be no jeenio or inercia, just a random Jorge doing dance and music. Portuguese demoscene is small and not very relevant, but it's our scene and we lost our mentor and my personal friend. It's way to early to put thoughts coherently together, but I want to make a tribute to him and I will need help. I'll keep you posted.
added on the 2013-03-23 17:13:11 by jeenio jeenio
sad story indeed. <3 for those who need it.
well written ps.
added on the 2013-03-23 18:38:43 by Gargaj Gargaj
Que cena... estou sem palavras :(
I didn't know him.
But he got involved in the making of some great shows, that I can say at least... it's so sad great minds have to leave.

It's always sad to lose a fellow scener, even if I didn't know him. RIP.
sad wheter its a scener or not!
added on the 2013-03-24 02:42:22 by rudi rudi
added on the 2013-03-24 09:37:05 by waffle waffle
ps: thanks for sharing all those beautiful memories with us.
added on the 2013-03-24 12:38:15 by visy visy
That's it. 1100 km drive, left at 6h00, arrived now. I'm tired, sad and empty. Thanks to the sceners who were there.

Watching him being closed in the coffin and going down underground was heart tearing. I was crying and thinking that it really wasn't a dream or a very bad joke. Somehow, I was expecting him to open his eyes and say "surprise, niggas!!"

But he didn't.

I still can't believe this shit...
added on the 2013-03-25 01:17:57 by jeenio jeenio
added on the 2013-03-25 06:02:31 by Danguafer Danguafer

I really admire how the demoscene shows its beautifull side when one of them passes away. You guys aren't smart, you are true creative geniuses. I'm sure Paulo looks at you from heavens and thinks the same thing...

added on the 2013-03-25 06:12:44 by LovCAPONE LovCAPONE
Sometimes you have so strong depressions that you dont see another way. Sad is, that you are most times alone with that problem and other people or doctors just smile about that. Than you are completly alone and the symptoms getting stronger and stronger... sad egoistic world.

RIP and may the heaven be your place ...
added on the 2013-03-25 06:17:43 by .. ..
I used to see him in Portalegre, in sneaky lunches with the people from the animation and games studios there. He was always really quiet. He was coding for "Blitz & Massive", an adventure game that was never released.

We only started talking once we met him at Breeze Demoparty (2007). He recognized me from those lunches and was surprised that I was into the scene too. It was my first demoparty.

I was never that close to Paulo. He didn't talk much, but I remember him telling me about how his neighbors had called the police because he didn't realize his gangsta rap was way too loud.

Lately he had asked for some help with his demo. I had heard very vague things about it years ago and was curious about it. He was very secretive. I did my part but didn't get to see much else. It would be fun to first see it on a big screen.

A week and a half ago we talked through IM. I was working and my bosses frown upon any sort of distraction so I had to be brief. I had no idea he was down like this. I can't help but feel I could have made him laugh, or say something that could change his mind.

Barn was one of the first demos I watched. Now I see it's eerily fitting as goodbye too.

added on the 2013-03-26 01:11:58 by gr9yfox gr9yfox