The Santa conspiracy

category: general [glöplog]
Hi yall, its time for the monthly conspiracy theory, and now that its xmas what would be more fitting than an xmas conspiracy against us all?

The ancient Shamanic use of Amanita muscaria in Siberia is well documented.

Despite Governmental Oppression (of its use) there are still many who refuse to accept the Authorized State Religion, and continue the Shamanic traditions in secret. Santa Claus arrives on the roof and enters through the chimney. The Siberian Shaman (commonly dressing in red and white) would enter through the opening in the roof of a home where a ritual was to be done. Santa Claus (on the Holy Day) brings presents in his bag. The Shamen gather the mushrooms in bags which they would bring with them when performing a ceremony. The Santa Claus we see today evolved from traditions developed in Germany. The Weihnachtsmann (St. Nick) was an amalgamation of older Germanic/Norse gods such as Thor, Donner, Odin and Wotan.

This knowledge is fairly common. What is missing here is that Santa flies the skies in his sleigh, Odin (as well as the rest) rode through the sky in his chariot which is depicted in the stars by "The Big Dipper". The Big Dipper is the chariot of Odin and Wotan, And Thor, and King Arthur, and even Osiris (Egypt). The chariot that circles the North Star in a 24 hour period is thus also known as the sleigh of Santa Claus, which circles the mythological home of Santa (the North Pole). These Nordic/Germanic Gods are tied to Mushrooms in their mythology. Thor throws his hammer (which is shaped as a mushroom) to the ground and with a mighty Thunderous ligtning crack it appears. Odin rides the sky in his chariot pulled by horses which are exerting such an effort that their spit mingled with blood falls to the ground and the places where it hits mushrooms (Amanitas particularly) grow.

The Osiris mythology has even more to add to this. First off to the Egyptian's South was up (north). Osiris was the lord of the underworld (south) which is why he circles the sky in the furthest possible under (south) area. Not only did Osiris ride the sky in a chariot, but after his death Isis found that an evergreen (Cedar) had grown full sized from a dead stump overnight (this also relates to the Djed pillar) this was understood as a sign of Osiris' rebirth and immortality. The birth of Osiris is interestingly the 25th of December (traditional). The 25th of December was also celebrated annually by putting presents around the Cedar tree. This tradition is at lease five thousand years old. The birth of Horus to the goddess virgin mother Isis is perhaps the eldest representation of the goddess/son mythology, yet it is impossible to know the true date of this or how old the Astro-theological Virgo giving birth to the child/god/star mythology is. However it is the oldest source I have found. And very old it is.

The Mushrooms are typically dried (a necessary procedure) by stringing them up (like popcorn) and hanging them above the hearth of the fireplace, just like the modern tradition of putting socks over the chimney. Shamen, and Lay people alike, would gather and dry them. They are a valuable commodity. Reindeer (native to Siberia) eat these mushrooms. The Mythology of Reindeer taking flight reflects the supposed effects they get after such a meal. And the shamans who didnt want to get sick to their stomache from the ibotenic acid in the Amanita Muscaria mushroom, drank the urine of the flying reindeers, thus santas intoxicated HOO HOO HOO

~James Arthur (with added comments by yours truely)

For those who want to know more about this horrible conspiracy against all of us, that deprives us from our direct spiritual experience gained through the use of fly agave mushrooms, there is a fantastic 3 hours movie here about it. And they take a good punch at all relegions when they are at it.


added on the 2005-12-22 14:24:20 by NoahR NoahR
To further add before someone get themself hurt or killed. The only fly agave mushroom that can be eaten (IF YOU DRY IT ONLY) is the Amanita Muscaria.

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All other Amanita's will result in your final departure from the world most likely. :)
added on the 2005-12-22 14:26:52 by NoahR NoahR
I've always wondered how many conspiracy theories are nothing but conspiracies themselves. Lets call it the conspiracy theory conspiracy.
added on the 2005-12-22 14:35:22 by psonice psonice
true that. This however is very well documented
added on the 2005-12-22 15:50:37 by NoahR NoahR
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The last letter is supposed to be 'L', but german goverment wants to protect this secret. Santa claus is still wanted to be regarded as fair guy. Just coincidence? I don't think so.
added on the 2005-12-22 17:08:08 by shadez shadez
I KNEW IT!!! He does look intoxicated. A shame they didnt get a shot of the mushrooms with him. Satan claws?
added on the 2005-12-22 18:25:21 by NoahR NoahR
That link... WTF? Is there any method with diferential equations?
added on the 2005-12-23 20:54:39 by xernobyl xernobyl
Evil that is ooooold. But it still cracks me up. The mother of conspiracies atm. I bow down to you for posting it hahaha

xern. Yeah man the canaan alphabet is numerology galore. some really fantastic stuff there.

added on the 2005-12-23 22:12:01 by NoahR NoahR
ich liebe nichtlustig.de! :-)
added on the 2005-12-24 01:42:12 by v3nom v3nom
Just to quote a classic ;)

<< Why Santa doesn't Exist

  • I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
  • world, however since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
    or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15%
    of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
    At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108
    million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

  • II. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
  • time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
    (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
    say, that for every household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 of
    a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the
    stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
    snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh
    and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops
    is evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we know to be
    false, but will accept for the purpose of our calculations). We are talking
    about 1.25 Km per household, a total of 120.8 million Km, not counting
    bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 1040 Km per
    second... 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison,
    the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 43.8
    Km per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 25 Km per hour.

  • III. The pay load of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
  • that each child gets nothing more than a medium Lego set (two pounds), the
    sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On
    land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, even
    granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount,
    the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them... Santa would need
    360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the
    sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
    Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

  • IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 1040 Km per second creates enormous air
  • resistance....this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a
    space shuttle re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
    they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
    behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
    reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
    right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it
    matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop
    to 1040 k p s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of
    17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned
    to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing
    his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. >>

added on the 2005-12-24 04:00:49 by bdk bdk