The Snowtro Xmas Demo by Reservoir Gods [web]
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R E S E R V O I R G O D S
present
- THE SNOWTRO XMAS DEMO -
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Christmas comes but once a year, unless you are an intergalactic time traveller
in which case you may have multiple Christmases or indeed none! You may also
choose to celebrate periodic Alien festivals where banana shaped fruit are
sacrificed to appease the great god of self assembly furniture.
Here on earth matters are more simple. On December 256th a very special child
was born who went on to change the course of history. His name was Nolan Bushell
and he invented Atari.
He is celebrated every year in the form of Christmas demos which usually consist
of a slideshow of 'Christmas Scenes' accompanied by tracker renditions of
popular carols. These demos are loved by all, but mainly coders because they are
a piece of piss to create.
We decided to throw the xmas demo rule book out of the window, mainly because
MSG's scanner broke and Ripley was unwilling to draw Christmas scenes on a ropey
old TV. But we bring vitality to the stale world of intros with:
o Dynamically modelled meteorological accurate weather effects!
o New, improved comedy crackers!
o Three Dimensional Christmas greeting logo!
o Free toys!
o Christmas jokes!
o "it will soon be summer" rainbow coloured scroller!
o Carefully distorted samples.
o Festive flashes!
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CHRISTMAS CRACKER EMULATOR
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Relive the joy and excitement of Christmas Crackers with the Reservoir Gods'
unique Christmas Cracker emulator! Tired of spending thousands of pounds on a
box of crackers from Woolworths? Fed up with the mess left on the floor by an
extensive pulling session? Embarrassed by paper party hats? Then all your
worries are over!
The RG Christmas Cracker is yours for free and gives you a different toy and
different joke every time you load it! It really is Christmas-tastic!
( NB: please remove all pets from room when watching the demo as they will panic
when hearing the realistic explosion. )
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CHRISTMAS FUN with SASH!
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Encore une fois! ( That means hello, non Greek speakers! )
People are always asking me how I have so much fun at Christmas!
Here's what you need for maximum festive fun:
8 planks of wood
2 Jif squeezy lemons
IKEA self assembly carpet mincer
Sash! The Album
Inflatable Elephant
Sash! The Boardgame
MC Hammer flavour crisps
First, take the planks of wood and nail them over your doors and window.
This is to stop the people who shout "Sash! is a wanker! We're going to kill
you!" from coming in and opening doors on your advent calendar.
Next study the IKEA carpet mincer documents. They make quite an interesting tale
with lots of diagrams of boxes with arrows pointing out in all directions. Like
those coding articles in Maggie. You now have a fascinating piece of knowledge
that you can use to your advantage during chatting time at the Christmas party.
Take the two Jif squeezy lemons and sellotape them to your chest. See, fake
breasts! Ha ha ha ha! And they say us Germans have no sense of humour! For extra
comedy value, you may fill them with milk.
Next put on Sash! The Album and decide which of the ten mixes of "Encore Une
Fois!" you like best. If you can't decide, then use the random feature on your
CD player. Next press repeat and fool people into thinking you are playing the
whole albums when in fact you are just playing the same song over and over
again!
Cover your face with the inflatable elephant and laugh at their stupidity.
Its time for the real fun to begin, so bring out your copy of Sash! The
Boardgame. Bet on yourself to win, and then cheat by:
+ Making sure you start on the Green square ( The potato shop )
+ Buying all the Norwegian underwear as soon at is available.
+ Avoiding the "Make New Tune" square.
+ Attacking weak opponents with the Terry Wogan counters.
+ Stealing the Faithless "Tune" card before you begin!
Celebrate your victory by eating the MC Hammer flavour crisps!
Encore une fois!
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CHRISTMAS CREDITS
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o Mr Pink
Code. Coke. Samples. Jokes. GFX. Tarts.
o Ripley
Graphics. Design. Jokes. Snoring.
o MSG
Music. Pizza. Rendering. Jokes. Hair.
o sh3
Graphics. Invisibility. Coughing.
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CHRISTMAS ADDRESSES
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o Mr Pink
mrpink_rg@hotmail.com
o Ripley
ripley_rg@hotmail.com
o MSG
msg_rg@hotmail.com
o sh3
sh3_rg@hotmail.com
o Home
http://www.acs.bolton.ac.uk/~msg1css/maison.htm
Leon O'Reilly.Cwm Isaf.Abermule.Montgomery.Welshpool.Powys.Wales.SY15 6JL
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Remember, a Reservoir Gods demo isn't just for Christmas. It's for life.
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